She Doesn't Owe You Anything

I recently read an article and I'd like to talk about one of the points it makes. For the article, click here. The part of the article I'd like to comment on is below.

Women don’t owe you anything. 

I will close with a serious point. You don’t have to look far in the news to find someone who became violent towards women because he felt as though he had a “right” to her, that she was a “target,” or something to be obtained. Women are not a goal. They are not a conquest. They are not a notch in your belt. The idea that any woman owes anything to any man will always do more harm than good in our society and we need to teach the children who will someday grow into adults that what a woman does or doesn’t do with a man is her choice and he has no right to force anything on her. Ever.

I learned this on my mission, as odd as that might sound. It followed me during my dating life at school and still plays a large role in my life.

When I was going through my depression on my mission, I felt completely and utterly out of control in my life. I know that isn't that uncommon. When someone I respected more than anyone at the time told me that I was acting out of line and to never contact her again, I felt that I tried to control her. I'm sure she has other takes on it, but I used that incident to change my life. I was never going to try to control anyone, let alone someone I wanted in my life.

I returned to BYU and I'm sure my resolve was translated as shyness or whatnot, but I really tried to keep my pledge to make sure I respected the people in my life. Today, it would probably termed "extreme consent". I know Tracy thought it was cute when I asked to hold her hand and asked for my first kiss with her. It really was out of respect for her space.

Even after marriage, I still respected her space as much as I could. My attitude was almost at odds with the marriage vows themselves. I didn't feel I had any right to hold her to her vows with me. If she didn't want to be with me, then she was free to go; I had no right to hold her in a relationship where she didn't want to be.

I still feel that way, more than ever. I can be a complete jerk at times and she can still exercise the escape clause and I wouldn't fight it. She deserves every right to be happy and if that doesn't include me, then that's just the way it is.

The same goes for my friends and even my relatives. I do tend to bond very strongly and some know about that trait, but I would never stop anyone from their right of my absence. I've had some that faded from my life, and I think that is a voluntary action. I won't chase after people who don't want me around, regardless of the emotional pain it might cause me.

I think this has made my life happier overall. I don't have expectations and therefore I'm not as disappointed as I might be without that mentality. I don't know. Perhaps it is the only way I can deal with grief over loves and friendships lost. I still do not prefer to think of my outlook as a coping mechanism, but that might be the case.

Perhaps this post isn't very entertaining. It is what it is.