An Evening of Volleyball

I watched the BYU Women's Volleyball games this weekend. It was the beginning of the NCAA finals and I wanted to make sure I watched them. I'm kind of a volleyball fan. In a rare event, the whole family was in the same room. I'll let you in on some of the conversation.

Tracy: Hayden, stop trying to break your father.
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Me: Look at Alexi. She runs the whole court, leaps and hits the ball and stops as soon as she hits the floor.
Hayden: It isn't that big of a deal. They're trained for that.
Me: So I can't appreciate it? Next time you win a wrestling match I'll just say, "No big deal, he was trained for that."
Hayden: No Dad, I mean it is just physics.
Me: Of all people, you don't have to tell me about physics. It is because I know physics that I am impressed.
Hayden: No I mean...
Me: You know, I might say when you graduate, "It's not that big of a deal. You know he studied for four years to do this."
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Hayden: How do you like that Dad? I used lots of big words there.
Me: Yeah, probably not use appropriately, but they were big words.
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<I don't know the context other than it was said.>
Hayden: ...next thing you know, quarters are shooting out of you.
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Bennet: OOOOWWWW!
Madsen: I didn't mean to Mom!
Bennet: Madsen kicked me in the crotch!
Tracy: Come here. Let me hug you, make you feel better.
Bennet: He needs to trim his toenails....stop laughing at me!
Tracy: We aren't laughing at you, you just said something kind of funny.
Madsen: I didn't mean to kick him, Mom!
Tracy: I know. How is your foot?
Me: Did your foot survive the gonad thrashing it received?
<Tracy is laughing so hard she can't breathe.>
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Me: Watch this Ellie, this is how you loosen the top of a pickel jar. <Banging the bottom of the jar>
Ellie: Sure, Dad.
Me: <trying to open it> Okay, let me bang on it harder. <More struggling> What the heck?!
Ellie: Give it to me.
Me: Great, my twelve-year-old daughter can open it and I can't?!
Ellie: <placing the jar on the table and takes the plastic cover off the lid.> There, try it now.
<Now I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard.>
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Tracy: You know why I had to leave? It was your pickles.
Me: My pickles? Is that a euphemism?
Tracy: Ha. No. You chew and eat so regular. You chew the same number of times. You swallow with a rhythm. I can't be in the same room with you when you eat them.
Me: I do? Sorry. You know, the DJ in the morning knew he had to divorce when his wife said the same thing to him. She even resented the way he breathed.
Tracy: I don't want a divorce, which is why I left the room.
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BYU won. They'll be playing next weekend.