$&)*@!

I've not been one to swear. Well, not one to swear in public. I've had my issues in the past but I have made conscious efforts to not verbalize them. I still have a bit of Turrets in that I remember some stupid thing that I did in the past and I utter some exclamation. I've tried to keep that at a minimum.

The other day, I had the house to myself and I was working on something in the kitchen and it started to go wrong. I won't go into any detail but I was starting to make a mess. While it became worse and worse, I found myself wanting to shout in frustration. Decades of training myself to swallow those words were brought to the fore. Do I let my anger out? No one is at home, so I should be safe. It would make me feel better....In a short space of a few seconds, I had an entire discussion with myself to allow myself to express myself in such a way. In the end, the situation won out, and I exclaimed the word.

Me: %&*$%^!!
Madsen: Are you okay Dad?

What?! What is he doing home.....*sigh* Am I ever truly alone? Do I have to explain this to him?

Me: I'm fine, just frustrated.

So, while I could let fly a blue streak in High School (but I never talked much so few heard it), I have been restrained much of my life afterwards. When I do use a choice word, my son realizes that it is unusual and asks me if I'm okay. So, I guess that is a small victory.

That's it. Just a look in on my uneventful life.