Friend Zone

From tumbler

Clementine:
I wonder if the guys I’ve “friend zoned” have ever thought of me and wondered how betrayed I must have felt when I found out they were using my time and vulnerability to wear me down/manipulate me into fucking them when I’d clearly stated I wasn’t interested.

Colton:
I wonder how many of them couldn’t care less about sex and just want to be noticed but instead had to settle for being used as a therapist and shoulder to lean on but never complained because they don’t have the ability to stand up for themselves because to them being used is better than nothing.

Clementine:
I’m not talking about those dudes, though honestly what is so bad about being a shoulder to lean on? Like what is friendship if not sharing our lives and relying on each other? How is that me “using” them???

I’m talking about the time when the buses had stopped running, and I was stranded at this guy’s house, and he took that as the opportunity to try and sleep with me when he was seeing one of my friends.

I’m talking about the time I was telling my friend how much it hurt my feelings to only be seen as a sexual object when all I wanted was friendship, and he said “Oh poor you” and then tried to kiss me.

I’m talking about when my friend was driving me home and I was complaining about my boyfriend and he said “Well that’s good news because I have a huge crush on you” and then spent the rest of the twenty minute drive trying to convince me to break up with my boyfriend for him.


I’m talking about dudes who knew I only wanted to be friends, and then bided their time until they got  a chance to sleep with me, because they didn’t respect my autonomy and my ability to decide for myself what relationships I did and did not want.


My thoughts:
I don't know if I've ever been "FriendZoned". The term certainly didn't exist when I was dating. I wonder, at my advanced age, what all is wrong with being friendzoned. I've spent most of my life not developing friendships with women because my culture told me not to encourage them because friendships with the opposite sex lead to adultery. I often think about how many friendships I've missed because of that restriction, and I have to push down the anger. I wouldn't even know how to make a pass at someone, usually having a healthy respect for the people in my life. Even if I was in a situation when I was dating, I don't know if I would complain all that much about being friendzoned. Is there something wrong with being a friend? Isn't there a certain intimacy in friendship? No, it might not be a physical intimacy but an emotional attachment can be satisfying. I've craved emotional attachments most of my life. I can't believe that anyone would complain about it.

I found the above conversation enlightening. Like Clementine says, they didn't respect her. Not respecting the people in your life, especially one that trusts you enough to share their time and energy, is not a way to develop any kind of deeper relationships. That is what we want, isn't it? At least I do. I adore the women I'm friends with and I respect and appreciate the time and effort they give me, to help me understand this life we have, and for those moments, share.