| Rating: | ★★ |
| Category: | Books |
| Genre: | Romance |
| Author: | Steve Harvey |
OK. I read a “chick book”. I had stumbled upon Steve Harvey’s second book at the store and I took a look. I only read a few pages and was amazed that he was so insightful. I couldn’t find the book at the library so I reserved it (I want to read the Tom Clancy book first and I hope that comes in first, (and it did this morning!)) and I checked out his first book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” instead. It promised to be a fast read. I’ve always been fascinated by relationships. It might be because I’m married to a marriage counselor, or it might be that I flamed out so often when I was dating and I try to reconstruct it. It might be that I work with computers and I like the randomness of people. That might also explain my fascination with forensics, the merging of science and people with an extreme randomness. I don’t know. I do want to see how normal or abnormal I am. I keep trying to convince Tracy that we have a dysfunctional marriage but she isn’t buying it. Darn it, that just makes getting a divorce that much more difficult.
http://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Lady-Think-Relationships/product-reviews/0061728977/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
Anyway, I want to review some things on the book and perhaps provide some insight into my own twisted world.
His first comments on love are interesting, and pretty close. Men and women don’t love each other the same way. The focus of the book is for women but there really needs to be a companion book for the men. He places a lot of emphasis on women adapting to men and little to no time on how men need to adapt to women. I understand that considering the focus of the book. Still, it isn’t descriptive for all men. I know I’m a bit different than the man he seems to describe. Still, I have a pretty successful marriage of 22 years. He places emphasis on Profess (a woman the man is proud to have), Provide (the need of a man to provide for his family), and Protect (The need for a man to protect his woman/family). He spends a lot of the book justifying those things. For the most part, he does describe men and the way we think, but with some differences, at least for me.
First, I do like intimacy, and not just the physical kind. The non-touching, non talking man that he describes isn’t me. At least, the non-public me isn’t described well by the book. I can give a determined scowl to most anybody but at home I’m different. I’m chatty, loud and a general nut. I like to hold my wife’s hand, mess with her hair and talk for hours on topics that have no relevance. So, the stoic male assumed by the book isn’t me, but you would never know by my public behavior.
Second, I’m not as much a “fixer” as described. I wouldn’t think about making changes in our home without Tracy’s input. While I do have the advice behavior, meaning, don’t bring up a situation where you don’t want a solution. I will try to fix that. In other things around the house or the environment of our family, Tracy is the authority. I’ll take her direction, but I won’t do anything without her approval. If you want a new dishwasher, pick it out, have someone install it (‘cause I won’t do it right) and I’ll pay for it. If you complain about the dishwasher, be prepared to do what it takes to fix it but I won’t pick it out for you. It is your house. I’ll make sure it is operational, but you need to do the selection.
He does give some good advice about how to properly date a man, to set the tone of the dates. I can’t fault him there.
His statement of a man’s needs was also accurate. Our needs are very simple. Support (2 pages), Loyalty (1 page), Sex (6 pages). He was accurate in how much time spent on each too. Sorry to reinforce stereotypes, but stereotypes are there for a reason.
“No-brainer. Men. Need. Sex. We love it. Ain’t nothin’ on this planet like it, nothing else we want that bad on a continuous basis, nothing else we simply cannot live without. Take our house, take our job, the ’69 Impala, our last pair of gators, but please—puh-leeze—don’t hold out on the cookie. We don’t care about anything else; we need the cookie. We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love, the woman who is loyal to us and supports us, and the way we do that is by making love. …But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period. It’s how we plug in, recharge, and reconnect. I don’t know of a man who doesn’t need this . Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the Smithsonian—he’s that special and rare. But the rest of us men? We need sex like we need air.” (page 43)
Some other good excerpts:
“Why don’t men like to cuddle after sex?
Because we’re hot. We’re exhausted. We put in a lot of work, we’re sweaty and burning up and we just need you to hold on a minute before you come climbing over to the our side of the bed talking about holding something.” (page 215)
“What is the international man signal for ‘I’m no longer listening to you’?
Once a man gives his answer to whatever question you’re asking (or he thinks he heard, even if you never asked one), he’s probably not listening to you anymore. Your cue is when he gives an answer. As far as he’s concerned, his solution will fix whatever it is you’re talking about, and if you’re still taking after that, he’s not listening anymore.” (page 225).
I liked the book, but its value is dubious. Like I said, he doesn’t talk for me. I’m not his ‘typical’ guy. Still, to have this from a comedian…but I guess behavior is what comedians notice.
