Cold Fire

While dropping off Ellie for her internship, I popped in some safe Rush into the radio and the song Cold Fire came up. I can't say that it is the most memorable song but it struck me this particular morning. For me, the song is about daters/lovers discussing their views of life with the female of the pair being more forceful in stating her outlook.

And it reminded me of a discussion I had with Tracy just the previous night. I paraphrase my observation, "There's a fine line from being viewed as insecure and my showing respect for all you do and having your own time and your not having to deal with my demands and requests."

So there's this negotiation that happens in a relationship about views and time and discovering what the other needs to have a meaningful life. While I've become more deft at doing this with someone who has shared her life with me for over 30 years, I can still appreciate what others that date have to do to be comfortable with the process. And I am more than aware that I go through a similar negotiation with my non-romantic relationships too. I like to talk about a lot of things that many are not comfortable discussing and I have to find out what limits exist there too.

I was told once by a former classmate that she never expected someone in her past to be so romantically minded. While that might be true, the execution of my thoughts and feelings are definitely lacking. And I know the difference between the "ideal" and reality. As the woman in the song states, "This is not a love song. This isn't fantasy land."

It was long after midnight
When we got to unconditional love
She said sure my heart is boundless
But don't push my limits too far.

I said if love is so transcendent
I don't understand these boundaries
She said just don't disappoint me
You know how complex women are.

...

It was just before sunrise
When we started on traditional roles
She said sure I'll be your partner
But don't make too many demands.

I said if love has these conditions
I don't understand those songs you love
She said this is not a love song
This isn't fantasy land.

Don't go too far
The phosphorescent wave on a tropical sea
Is a cold fire
Don't cross the line
The pattern of moonlight on the bedroom floor
Is a cold fire
Don't let me down
The flame at the heart of a pawnbrokers diamond
Is a cold fire
Don't break the spell
The look in your eye's as you head for the door
Is a cold fire.

I'll be around
If you don't push me down too far
I'll be around
If you don't push me down.