Striking Matches

Many years ago, in an attempt to understand myself a bit more, I wanted to write something about Love, or maybe my own ideation of the emotion. The more I thought about it, and other events pressing in my life, I abandoned the attempt. Perhaps I'm undertaking it again. I want to be more transparent in my life. Perhaps my friends and family can take something away from my life other than what is presented to them otherwise. I'm really far from impressive. Plus, I've learned to become comfortable with my own failings. I guess I'm weird that way.

Without a whole lot of personal experience, I do what a lot of people have done throughout history, and look at what popular media have to say about the thing. In times past, perhaps a poet or traveler might have provided perspective. I turned to music. I think that is probably true of a lot of people in the past century. I'm not unique. Music, in terms of lyrics, is just poetry. I didn't realize that fully at the time. Still, it is what I had to work with. I knew from an early age that I wanted to be with someone I could dedicate my life to. Turns out, finding that person is sometimes hard to do, with yourself being your worst enemy. Maybe more on that later. I know I sucked at what I really wanted, and I needed someone with patience to work it out with me. Heck, I still haven't made it.

In 1988, I had come back from my mission. I had changed a lot, I think, from who I was. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be better, far better, than what I was. I know I picked up a lot of new quirks and my approach to a lot of things was quite different. Overcoming crushing depression can change a person.

So last week I was tooling around my Google music subscription and I found one of my favorite albums of that time. As I listened to it, I realized how much the album affected me at the time. Was it the source of a lot of my thoughts about love and relationships? Nope. But it had significant take-aways. There was a song called "Prisoner" that reinforced that your partner is their own person, that they need to be able to grow and flourish the way they want. That having your partner being only the thing you orbit isn't healthy.

What struck me that day was a song that is more of a ditty, a musing, if you will. Not the best song on the album, but sometimes things impress you when you aren't expecting it.

Striking matches and I'm smoking cigarettes
Putting on the kettle, playing a cassette
Folding up the papers rubbing my eyes
Thinking of all that had happened last night
The passion, the feelings that soaked in her love
And the pools of silence when kisses were strung
Her love levitates me, I'm walking on air
Two feet from the carpet, I'll always be there

Oh I'm striking matches it's morning again
I look in the mirror, I still look the same
I'm striking matches it's morning again
I look in the mirror, I go up in flames

Striking matches, getting a flame on the stove
There's some of her hair in the teeth of my comb
Dirty clothes piled up on the bathroom floor
She's silently sleeping, I half close the door
I see her beauty laying on my bed
I'm warm from within me with what she has said
Her love is my balloon, I won't let it down
For ever and ever I'll always be proud.

I'm a director casting for a part
(turn on the light)
It's for a soap set here right in my heart.
(leave her alone)
Shuffle to the window, shuffle to the door
(don't wake her up)
She gets the part. I don't need to see anymore
(unplug the phone)

(background in chorus. Some are unintelligable.)
I know you love me because you say it so clear.
I know I love you 'cause I'm watching my weight.
I'm striking matches with explosives so near.


Pride, desire, warmth, elevation, the joy of just seeing her. This is a good song. As with many Squeeze songs, there's also an element of humor. I'm glad that I stumbled upon it. I'm perhaps not so glad that it made me think about it so much over the past week and a half.