http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/20/this-inspirational-story-about-a-doubting-mormon-is-horrific/
I share this story to say a couple of things, mostly selfish things. This is a story of an abusive relationship, one of conditional love. It was quickly pulled and replaced without the coercive issues, but the internet remembers.
I went on my mission with no expectations from my parents, unlike those in the article. I simply wanted to be a good person and show some gratitude for my situation which at the time was pretty awesome. It was the worst decision / experience I've ever had in my, admittedly, fairly non-eventful life. It has taken me decades to unpack it and even mentioning it, in all truthfulness, makes me feel like I've betrayed everything and everyone in my life to this day. I've tried to come to terms with it, with varying degrees of success.
No one should feel that that love is conditional on your expectations.
Everyone should be able to change their life for what they feel would be better, even if that means your expectations of them might have to change.
Cultural expectations can change if those that lead that culture make it happen. I should have come home after my time in the MTC. I was depressed beyond any level in my life before or since. I was told by my leaders how disappointed they were in me. While my friends and family might have accepted my coming home early, I knew that my life would be drastically different if I did. I couldn't live with my perceived failure with my adopted people, to live what I believed then. It was a horrible choice to make at the time but I chose to stay on my mission. I've had to live with that decision too.
There is nothing amusing about abandoning a family member because they don't do the things you want them to. Coercion should not be part of life or parenting.
I share this story to say a couple of things, mostly selfish things. This is a story of an abusive relationship, one of conditional love. It was quickly pulled and replaced without the coercive issues, but the internet remembers.
I went on my mission with no expectations from my parents, unlike those in the article. I simply wanted to be a good person and show some gratitude for my situation which at the time was pretty awesome. It was the worst decision / experience I've ever had in my, admittedly, fairly non-eventful life. It has taken me decades to unpack it and even mentioning it, in all truthfulness, makes me feel like I've betrayed everything and everyone in my life to this day. I've tried to come to terms with it, with varying degrees of success.
No one should feel that that love is conditional on your expectations.
Everyone should be able to change their life for what they feel would be better, even if that means your expectations of them might have to change.
Cultural expectations can change if those that lead that culture make it happen. I should have come home after my time in the MTC. I was depressed beyond any level in my life before or since. I was told by my leaders how disappointed they were in me. While my friends and family might have accepted my coming home early, I knew that my life would be drastically different if I did. I couldn't live with my perceived failure with my adopted people, to live what I believed then. It was a horrible choice to make at the time but I chose to stay on my mission. I've had to live with that decision too.
There is nothing amusing about abandoning a family member because they don't do the things you want them to. Coercion should not be part of life or parenting.
No comments:
Post a Comment