Demon-Witches Are Killing Ellie!

Last night Tracy and I got to bed a bit later than normal, mostly due to Hayden’s concert and shenanigans afterwards. Soon after we all went to sleep, I was startled awake by the most horrible scream I’ve ever heard. As my waking brain pulled itself out of unconsciousness, all I could process was “Demon-Witches are killing Ellie!" because really what else could it be? Tracy, a well-practiced mom with 16 years experience was out of the bed and heading to the door by the time my head lifted from the pillow.

“Wha..” was all I could offer.

“It’s the cats.” was her response. After a day of having the kids sniping at each other all day long, this is the last thing this woman needed to deal with.

Evidently, there was a cat outside that was facing down Dave and Fergus probably sidled up next to her to see what was going on. Dave lost her ****. By the time Tracy made it downstairs, the demon cat from outside was fleeing into the night while our two cats were in mortal combat. She separated Dave and tried to calm her down and Fergus-- sweet, dumber than a fencepost Fergus—decided to hop on the bed to see what was happening. Dave hissed and fought trying to get to Fergus and wipe that blank expression off her face.

“Can Dave be stupid enough to think that Fergus is that other cat?” Tracy said with no hint of sarcasm.

I wanted to remind her that Dave is one of the dumbest cats I know. She can’t figure out how to cover her poop in the litter box and she has a memory shorter than a gnat. She’s affectionate and playful, but yeah, pretty dumb. Fergus is little better.

After peace was restored and my heart rate somewhat reduced, we turned into bed hoping to get to sleep quickly.  About half an hour later, the fight erupted again. You see, cats are like human children. They pick and pester each other until one of them has to lash out and they have to be separated. Even when separated, they longingly remember the argument and want to start again as soon as possible. When the calming effects of my sleep medication kicked in, Dave was glaring at Fergus from under the dresser and Fergus was blissfully unaware in the hall waiting for the next “discussion.” Luckily it never happened.