"I make the money"

A friend at work recently bought a new motorcycle. He was showing it around from pictures on his phone with as much excitement as a new father. While we were chatting away about price and features, another co-worker who owns a bike came over and joined the conversation. During the discussion, this other person mentioned “Hey, I make the money. I can buy a motorcycle if I want. I have a room full of guitars because I make the money.”

I smiled but I became very uncomfortable with the way that discussion turned.

“I make the money.”

I thought a bit about why that caused me such discomfort. Perhaps because I don’t have a relationship with my wife where that is a factor. I wouldn’t know how to have that kind of relationship.

I met my wife in college. We graduated at the same time. During our time in Arizona, Tracy and I had a discussion about her going to ASU to get her master’s degree. Although she had a degree, her profession was one that a Master’s was expected. We were earning money, not big money by any means, but money and so it was a logical step to us. I had an entry on my resume as I was employed, so my career was already strong.  In the middle of her getting her Master's, my job dried up, but I had an offer from Motorola that we accepted. Tracy eventually finished up her Master’s here in Illinois. Shortly after that, I took up Motorola on their offer to pay for my Master’s and I completed it in 1999. When we decided to adopt, we both came to the conclusion that as my career and job was bringing in more money, she would stay at home most of the time and I would do the caregiving in the evening while she worked. We did this for several years until we hit three kids. Her pregnancy also complicated things so she quit working outside the home until the present.

While I understand that money is insanely important, I don’t recall ever using the “I make the money” line to get what I wanted. It wasn’t in my thinking. I work for money at my job. Tracy runs the home and handles pretty much everything else. While she doesn’t work for money, it doesn’t mean that what she does has no value. She makes it possible for me to pursue any of my hobbies, take a nap after I come home, is the primary caregiver to the kids…etc. While I’m important to her in being able to financially support the family, she is no less important to me in what she does.  I admit that when I have a want to do something, the thought of “I make the money” comes across my head, but it isn’t in opposition to her wants and goals. I even mention it to her in the terms of my selfish thoughts. I mostly say it because I do want to enjoy the fruits of my labor, if you will. We have no debt. We might not be living too comfortably, but we aren’t doing that bad. Why not take that trip I want to take?  Why not buy that bike if we can afford it?

I might add that this isn’t to the exclusion of my wife. If she wants to take a trip or go somewhere for her hobbies or go out for the evening with her friends, I don’t feel like I have any position to deny her. She makes my life easier. Her wants and desires aren’t any less important than mine. At any time, she can pursue her professional career as well. We are in this working together with our relative strengths and weaknesses.

Now, I do use possessiveness against the kids sometimes to demand a bit of respect and care. If they are not treating something correctly, I remind them about the situation. “No, that is my PS3 and games that I let you use.” And things along that line. I am reminded of the Cosby Show when Theo mentioned that “We’re rich.” And Cosby answered with “No, your mother and I are rich. You are along for the ride.” or something like that.

Anyway, I found that little line in our discussion of a motorcycle and what it says about relationships interesting. I don’t know how many people would find “I make the money” as uncomfortable a phrase as I do, but I hope it speaks well of me.