Humanism?

I was a fairly impressionable teen I guess. I made a lot of mistakes, and my drive to find some sort of meaning in the world, forgiveness, or perhaps a cold glass of Dr. Pepper led me to consider a lot of roads. Like many other teens, I was heavily influenced by music. It made me think. The poetry that is inherent within songs appealed to me, and I considered their content. Also, I was a big science fiction reader, and that introduced me to a lot of concepts.
I remember contemplating some of the mysticism located on Ozzy Osbourne's "Diary of a Madman". He mentions things along the lines of Astral Projection, etc. I was never much for that form of thought. It seemed to make my BS meter wiggle a little more that I was comfortable with. I also loved Rush. Their songs spoke to me in a very deep way. They were humanists. They weren't Christians but believed in the common goodness of mankind, that we can overcome our weaknesses if we care for each other to the point of doing it. Then, there was Christianity. At that point, that was really all I knew. I later learned about Islam, Hinduism and many of the Eastern Philosophies.
Over the past many years, I've had to reconsider what I thought, what I believed. I find myself tending to align more with humanism again, if where I metaphorically stand in my world can even be given a name. It may just be age, as I grow weary of looking at the world trying to make sense of it. I just feel more comfortable being nice to others than trying to convince them that my way of living my life is the correct way. I no longer can convince myself of that, let alone convincing others. Perhaps I am turning into an Apatheist. I don't care if there is a god and don't care to spend the time and energy aligning my life to whatever he/she might think is best.
I look at the expanse of the universe. There is so much there. I look around me, and I see my friends, neighbors, the people who share this journey on the third rock from the Sun. That is what I care about. That is where I am burning out my life. If there is a god, he/she/it will have to understand that my time is growing short. I can't see a straight path, so I choose to love those that surround me. If that isn't good enough, then I guess I have no more to say.

Freewill
There are those who think that life is nothing left to chance,
A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance.

A planet of playthings,
We dance on the strings
Of powers we cannot perceive.
"The stars aren't aligned
Or the gods are maligned"-
Blame is better to give than receive.

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;
I will choose a path that's clear-
I will choose Free Will.

There are those who think that they were dealt a losing hand,
The cards were stacked against them- they weren't born in lotus-land.

All preordained-
A prisoner in chains-
A victim of venomous fate.
Kicked in the face,
You can't pray for a place
In heaven's unearthly estate.

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;
I will choose a path that's clear-
I will choose Free Will.

Each of us-
A cell of awareness-
Imperfect and incomplete.
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt that's far too fleet.