Depression Thoughts

For some that know me or read this blog, I had a time in my life where I was hit hard by depression. It's been 22 years and it still represents a black hole in my life. Probably because it was at a time when I had little possibility for distraction. In any case, I find I'm still coming to terms with it. I'm not sure why, other than it depresses me just thinking back on those times. Generally, the years after that have been absolutely wonderful, and I have very few regrets.

My wife is now sorting through pics taken during that time, and it brings back more memories. That and this blasted Facebook thing has put me in touch with some of the great people of that time. Now I'm hit by age. Here are photos and I can't for the life of me remember the names. I can see their manerisms, hear their voices, and remember how they looked. These people played huge roles in my life...and I can't remember names. To be honest, I can't remember names very well anyway, but it is frustrating.

I did find a post of someone else that had depression hit them.

http://mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/tequitia_andrews/?id=9383

I at least find that others that have gone through the same experience also looks for and avoids triggers. The annoying part for me is some of the triggers for me are part of my church functions. Hometeaching brings me anxiety attacks. Why? Don't know. I've learned some of my responses are completely irrational. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I hate the experience but there it is. It isn't something that I would wish on others. I'm just glad that I'm not the only one that has a similar way of dealing with depression. I've found that I need quite a bit of alone time where I just watch things. Trains, people in a public place, water going by. I find them mentally calming.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not generally psycho. I don't think I need counciling. I just know what sets me off and how to deal with it. Others have probably the same issues, but maybe don't realize what it does for them.

Anyway, that's the thought for the moment.