http://www.mormonapologetics.org/topic/44641-pet-peeves-in-general-conference/page__st__40
From Various authors:
"As anyone who has ever been hit in the crotch with a golf club can tell you..."
"You know what I don't like about red onions?"
"I've entitled my remarks for this afternoon 'The Catheter of Repentance'."
"I've always been intrigued about how the digestive process will work in the eternities..."
"There's a story about my wife that she made me promise to never tell anybody, and it goes like this..."
"When potty training children..." (of course given by a member of the Relief Society Presidency)
"What the heck? That's not my talk coming up on the teleprompter"
"In the New World Translation of the Bible, Jesus says..."
"Death haunts all of us; as soon as you're born you start dying."
"Jesus Christ decided to personally today so I'll yield my time to him."
"You may think that temples aren't designed to fly into space to escape the wrath to be poured out upon the Earth but you're wrong.
"Some of you may be called upon one day to subdue an attacker using only Priesthood power so I thought it would be fair to tell you how it is done.
"I'd like to describe a vision I had today."
"The following people are complete knuckleheads, in no particular order..."
"As I'm sure you are all aware, my goiter has only grown since last we met..."
"I really really really really really really really loves me some freakin' Jello."
"Hotdiggitylookatthiscrowd. RedBullisn'tmentionedintheWordofWisdomsoI'vebeendrinkingRedBullforawhileandnowI'mafraidifIsleepI'lldie."
"Many thought I wouldn't live long enough to speak in Conference again. Well, here I am. Suck it, losers."
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