Manic Pixie Dream Girl

For some reason, I saved a playlist on YouTube on this topic (edit: I remembered. I was looking at Cracked videos and one they have on RomComs is on this playlist). Basically, this refers to a character that exists to support the male protagonist in a story, and plays no other role than to meet his needs. So the first movie that mentioned this character type in one of the movies in the playlist was "500 Days of Summer", one of my favorite movies.

Here's one on why Summer is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, along with some insight on the movie in general.



Here's one that also includes "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" that takes the opposite view.


I'm more moved to the counter position. Summer seemed to me to be a complete person, not one dimensional. That is one reason that I liked the movie. He didn't respect her clearly stated position. Anyway. I'm sick this week. Not all my cylinders are firing and this is about all I had for intellectual stimulation this week. 

CosmoQuestx

Crosspost from Facebook.

I've mentioned that I listen to the podcast "Astronomy Cast" mostly because the female host is wicked smart and has a voice quality that puts me to sleep almost immediately. Well, a few weeks ago I went into full stalker mode and found that she does some video work for her education organization. Because I wanted to help them out due to their loss of NASA funding, I gave them a ten spot today. She mentioned it on the live stream. (linked video around the 24 minute mark.) I texted Tracy that I gave my "astronomy girlfriend" ten bucks and she mentioned it. Tracy snorted when she read it and told her coworkers, "My husband, who won't go to Burger King without a coupon, just gave a woman on the internet money so she would say his name." No, I gave a donation...sheesh.

I also told her that I put Dr. Gay's show on my phone and checked my history this morning. I listened to her for five hours and don't remember any of it. It is freaky how she puts me to sleep. Not the best foundation for a relationship, but it does work for me.

BTW, they are doing a 40 hour marathon this weekend to raise some money. Just sayin'. Good time to catch up on some ZZs

On Bill Reel's Excommunication

Bill Reel was starting his apologetic career when I was starting to question all the things I believed. I can't say that I envied his enterprise. I'd been there. I'd been there for over a decade. The more and more I learned, the harder it was to believe.

By then, I'd sat in my car two different times, with two different children crying that their parents were going to Hell because we bought a pizza on Sunday. I never taught them that. I wouldn't have taught them that. That means the church was teaching things to my children that I didn't agree with. That just highlighted the fact that my faith was very nuanced, very selective. It had to be for me to continue on. Quite honestly, I didn't know how to teach that nuance to my children. It was a serious concern for me.

The church was responsible for the best times in my life. I enjoyed college at BYU. I had met some incredible people there. Because of the church, I had a wife and family. If I didn't believe, I might lose them. I know what happened to people who disbelieved. They got divorced. I'd seen it. I knew people that it happened to.

So as I was finding my way through stage 5 of the stages of faith, Bill was entering stage 4. The people that he interviewed for his podcast, Mormon Discussions, I once held in high regard. Now, I couldn't tolerate the Cognitive Dissonance that I experienced when I listened to them. So, for the first several years of his podcast, I never listened to it. He even had the person that really fired off my faith crisis, who, trying to prove the reality of the Atonement, undercut it at every turn. So, I only really started to listen to him as he was in his closing phase of stage 4. That is when things get interesting, when a person realizes how he was deceived, and begins to crawl out of the pit his leaders kept him in.

So, like others that preceded him, he owned his life. He called out others for the gaslighting, for the ignorance that was forced upon him. His integrity could not bear being lied to, and he made it known. Mormon leadership doesn't like disobedience. Truth is a distant 5th or 6th. Obedience comes first. So, because he couldn't bow to their pressure to be quiet, they kicked him out. He could have just left, but he wanted them to kick him out for being truthful, for being a man of honesty and integrity, even if it didn't mean anything to anyone else.

Most things in life, I let God sort it out. I know what I had to do to sleep at night. I know what my family had to do for their own lives. I'll let others determine what is important for them. Yes, I have opinions. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone for those opinions. The VAST majority of members of the church I know are incredible human beings. That is why they are trying their best to be the best people they can. I just no longer agree with the medium, but we are all trying to do what is best for ourselves and our fellow man. Bill Reel did what he needed to do for his life. I did what was best for me.

And may God, if there is one, be understanding of how hard it is to figure out this life.

Another Birthday....meh.

Another birthday comes and goes. Life goes on. I don't expect anything as I already have more than enough to keep me occupied. Good thing, because this one was about as much of a non-event as I could expect.

The first of, say, 3 things that were out of the ordinary was a lunch with a co-worker. It was under the pretext that I helped her out while she was out of the country. I didn't do much, and I really just played interference for the normal nonsense that we encounter. She wanted to take me to lunch, and considering my lack of expectations for the day, how 'bout doing that on my birthday. It wasn't a fancy meal. About the cheapest that still offered an excuse to be at a "sit-down" restaurant. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and broccoli. Exciting huh? But it is what I wanted.

I came home to a quick conversation with the family before everyone departed for their various ways. Ellie gave me the card above and mentioned that she would be making me a cake. That she did, but when I came in to get a piece of it, there was a bit of frosting on the left and right side with most of the middle of the cake devoid of anything, including the crust of the cake...or whatever you call it.
"I can't frost it, Dad."
"Before I attempt it, are you sure you put everything in it that it called for? It seems fragile."
"Yes, Dad, I made it right!" STOMP, Stomp, stomp....
"OK, I guess I'll do this then."
It was a simple matter of amount and pressure. So I iced my cake. And I ate some. Alone. Watching the latest Marvel movie to hit Redbox.

I did rent Antman and the Wasp. I can't say I was disappointed because my expectations for superhero movies are non-existent. I came to the end with the phrase, "I'm done." playing over and over in my head. I didn't like the first Antman and I really rented this for Tracy to watch. I can't suspend my disbelief anymore. The characters don't act like regular humans would. It is just all forced and the physics behind any of it are confounding to me. It's just not fun for me anymore.

At 8:30, Tracy still wasn't home from work, and I still am not recovered from the last time change. So I went to bed. I have a lot going on at work, and I wanted to hit that early the next morning anyway.

Woohoo! 

Striking Matches

Many years ago, in an attempt to understand myself a bit more, I wanted to write something about Love, or maybe my own ideation of the emotion. The more I thought about it, and other events pressing in my life, I abandoned the attempt. Perhaps I'm undertaking it again. I want to be more transparent in my life. Perhaps my friends and family can take something away from my life other than what is presented to them otherwise. I'm really far from impressive. Plus, I've learned to become comfortable with my own failings. I guess I'm weird that way.

Without a whole lot of personal experience, I do what a lot of people have done throughout history, and look at what popular media have to say about the thing. In times past, perhaps a poet or traveler might have provided perspective. I turned to music. I think that is probably true of a lot of people in the past century. I'm not unique. Music, in terms of lyrics, is just poetry. I didn't realize that fully at the time. Still, it is what I had to work with. I knew from an early age that I wanted to be with someone I could dedicate my life to. Turns out, finding that person is sometimes hard to do, with yourself being your worst enemy. Maybe more on that later. I know I sucked at what I really wanted, and I needed someone with patience to work it out with me. Heck, I still haven't made it.

In 1988, I had come back from my mission. I had changed a lot, I think, from who I was. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be better, far better, than what I was. I know I picked up a lot of new quirks and my approach to a lot of things was quite different. Overcoming crushing depression can change a person.

So last week I was tooling around my Google music subscription and I found one of my favorite albums of that time. As I listened to it, I realized how much the album affected me at the time. Was it the source of a lot of my thoughts about love and relationships? Nope. But it had significant take-aways. There was a song called "Prisoner" that reinforced that your partner is their own person, that they need to be able to grow and flourish the way they want. That having your partner being only the thing you orbit isn't healthy.

What struck me that day was a song that is more of a ditty, a musing, if you will. Not the best song on the album, but sometimes things impress you when you aren't expecting it.

Striking matches and I'm smoking cigarettes
Putting on the kettle, playing a cassette
Folding up the papers rubbing my eyes
Thinking of all that had happened last night
The passion, the feelings that soaked in her love
And the pools of silence when kisses were strung
Her love levitates me, I'm walking on air
Two feet from the carpet, I'll always be there

Oh I'm striking matches it's morning again
I look in the mirror, I still look the same
I'm striking matches it's morning again
I look in the mirror, I go up in flames

Striking matches, getting a flame on the stove
There's some of her hair in the teeth of my comb
Dirty clothes piled up on the bathroom floor
She's silently sleeping, I half close the door
I see her beauty laying on my bed
I'm warm from within me with what she has said
Her love is my balloon, I won't let it down
For ever and ever I'll always be proud.

I'm a director casting for a part
(turn on the light)
It's for a soap set here right in my heart.
(leave her alone)
Shuffle to the window, shuffle to the door
(don't wake her up)
She gets the part. I don't need to see anymore
(unplug the phone)

(background in chorus. Some are unintelligable.)
I know you love me because you say it so clear.
I know I love you 'cause I'm watching my weight.
I'm striking matches with explosives so near.


Pride, desire, warmth, elevation, the joy of just seeing her. This is a good song. As with many Squeeze songs, there's also an element of humor. I'm glad that I stumbled upon it. I'm perhaps not so glad that it made me think about it so much over the past week and a half.

BYU @ Marquette

Yet another travelogue. You don’t have to read it.

I became a fan of Volleyball at some point in my college years. The games were free if you were a student. I went as more of a “Let’s see what this is about.” I became so fascinated by the reflexes of the women playing that I probably just stared a lot. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was almost a dance, the way the players moved around and were so focused on what they were doing. I also learned that taking dates to volleyball was a cheap way to spend the evening. Being a poor college student made you creative.

Now that I’m older and have some disposable cash, I have a ritual to this, my favorite time of the year. My tastes have since expanded to Women’s soccer, having watched an extraordinary year of BYU’s team again. So I wait for the year’s schedules to come out. I want to time the subscriptions to sports channels with the finals so I make sure to get them in...and not a day longer. Those come out around August 1st. I also contemplate travel. Last year or the year before, I missed a game of BYU that sounded incredible at Ohio State. If they play that close to me, I want to go. Well, I was surprised to find out that BYU was going to play a tournament at Marquette University in Milwaukee. There was no way I wasn’t going to go. Three games.

After finding out how to purchase tickets and waiting for the box office to open for Marquette games, I made the call. It was a somewhat frustrating event as the woman on the other side of the line didn’t have the schedule and seemed mystified that I wanted to buy tickets for games that Marquette wasn’t a player. It eventually came down to that the other games were free and I only had to buy the tickets to the Marquette games. So I had convinced Tracy that she needed to take the day off with me and watch three volleyball games away from the demands of parenthood. That was kind of a challenge, but she came with. Friday, two games with BYU and those were free. One game with Marquette and USC. That I had to pay for. $10 total. Pfft. I also planned to be there solo on Saturday so I bought the $5 ticket to BYU vs Marquette.

The things that Tracy does for the kids are highlighted whenever we make plans for ourselves. Lots of things had to be scheduled. The little things that Tracy does for others also came into play. In any case, at one point earlier in the week, she told me, “I’m really looking forward to going to the games with you.” That did some remarkable things with me. I always think the things I do for fun are highly annoying to others. It is a guilt that I don’t know why I have it. I think it is a universal thing. Guilt for enjoying yourself. In any case, I like watching women slam volleyballs into the ground and the cheers they make to show how excited they are to accomplish it.

August 7, 2018

So Tracy and I left around 7am and headed north. Nothing of note other than noticing one of the rivers being high. I then looked at the map and discovered that the river was the Fox River so that water would be traveling by us in Elgin eventually. We had the normal “What exit?” moments and let me tell you, the interchanges in Milwaukee are epic. Go ahead, look at Google Maps. It will amaze you. In any case, we found the parking garage, made note of how we pay, and made our way to the arena. 

Intros:

And the inevitable win.

After the first game, Tracy and I headed out to explore. While we were heading towards the chapel, the Sycamore team walked by us. They towered over us. Make no mistake, these women are tall. We didn’t get to see the high church, so that was anticlimactic. We found a map for the campus and a helpful woman stopped and told us where the student union was. We were mainly looking for a place to buy knick-knacks. We did find it. And they were not cheap. So Marquette University didn’t get any money at that place from us. We then found a Quizno’s to eat at. I asked the parking attendant at the west structure if this was the structure I should park at. I had found a cryptic webpage and it intimated that the west structure is where we should park motorcycles, and I intended to ride my bike the next day.

After we moved around a bit back onto the south part of campus, we happened upon something out of the middle ages. So we walked around and found out, yep, this was a church from France that was built in the middle ages. There was a statue of Joan of Arc hiding behind one of the bushes. 

We also found a strange sculpture of Father Marquette. I’m not sure if he had short legs or the sculptor just couldn’t do legs. In the same area was someone wearing a red something. I saw a sign later that talked about a blood drive, and that made a bit more sense. A walking blood drop.

Then we sat. We found a place and sat and talked for a couple of hours. BYU would be playing Syracuse, and there were introductions

And the inevitable win

Afterwards, the Marquette game against USC. It was close to a full house. Well, it was until the half. The students, as a body, got up, went somewhere for pizza, because some of them had pizza, and they left. Not sure what all that was about. 

It went to five sets. We left at the end of the fourth. It just didn’t do it for us. The band and the announcer were very loud. After every point that the home team scored, the announcer would bellow, “Point Marquette!!” and the students would echo, and so would the drumline.

August 8, 2018

The next morning, I packed my things and got the bike on the road. It was a fairly uneventful ride. I knew where to go. Once I got into Wisconsin, I noted something that we have seen up there. When the road is under construction, they kind of hide the towns that the road goes to. They don’t really tell you a detour, they just block out the names on the signs. While I like the idea of them just shutting down the road to make repairs, I think it odd that the towns just disappear from the collective knowledge of the state.

I pulled into the west parking structure and waited for the attendant to open the gate. She clicked away at the computer, and eventually slid the window to the side. “Do you have a permit?” “No, the woman yesterday told me to stop here to be let in.” “Oh, well you won’t trigger a ticket. Can you back your bike up and go around the other gate? Go around it when you leave too. Motorcycles don’t work on our system. I think that’s why some gates are so short.”

Alrighty. Backing up the bike with sidebags isn’t exactly my idea of a good time, but I got around the other gate and parked on the 2nd level. I had to change my clothes a bit to make it easy to walk around. I went to the USC and Syracuse game. It was clear that USC did not want to lose all their games there. It went to 5, I believe. USC won. A quick trip to Burger King and I was back for the BYU game. 

The intros:

Aaaaannnnddd the win:

A nice ride in the dark back home. It was a fantastic weekend.

At least for me.

Of Molds and Men

I'm not a good gardener. I don't like dirt. It is one reason I'm an engineer. No real dirt involved. I am good at thinking about particular subjects. Plants are not one of them. Because of this, my neighbors have to deal with my less than spectacular house. Honestly, it isn't a forte of my wife either. On top of that, we're too cheap to pay someone to do it for us. They'd have to be better at it than us. I will be forthright, when it comes to selling this place, yeah, we're gonna get someone to "fix" it for us.

In years past, yes, we did pay for some yard work. They came by every month, sprayed stuff, and our lawn did benefit. Well, the front really benefitted from that attention. I've never really had a problem in the backyard. When they fertilized the backyard, it made a hard to work with situation even worse. The grass grows like crazy back there. On top of that, it is also very wet in the first half of the year. As a consequence, it gets to be a mess. I have to mow with the highest soled shoes I have, as I don't have a good pair of boots for the task.  The lawnmower complains about being overworked. The grass clippings accumulate as I hope for the sun to dry it out and make it manageable.

So the past few years, we've stopped the lawn service. The crabgrass has come back. Weeds are just once again gaining a foothold. No problem. There are some things I feel adequate to work with. I can control the weeds. I can put stuff in the trees to keep the Japanese Beetles away. I can pull some weeds out of the overgrown flower beds.

Well, this year, Tracy complained about the ants. So I've been occasionally spreading insecticide around the house. Not the whole yard. Just the house. Well, I am also aware that we have a problem with cutworms around here, and I saw some tell-tale signs of cutworms; little circular bare spots. So I spread some insecticide around the spots that have been a problem in the past.

Fast forward a week or so, and the spots became more pronounced. They were spreading. What? So I bought some more insecticide, spread it over the front and side yards. It was so dry that I was worried I was stressing the yard out more. Also, I hadn't been mowing, as the grass just wasn't growing very quickly. But I did notice a few things that were odd. The grass was dying, or dead, but the dead spots seemed to be the same height as the green grass around it. The cutworms in the past died...but the spots seemed to spread. In fact, after some time, the dead spots seemed to follow where I spread the insecticide I spread. Was the stuff bad? I've never had a problem with the stuff before...

Then one morning, and it was fairly damp as the humidity was in full force the past few days, I went out to get the motorcycle out for my trip into work. I looked over the dew-soaked grass.....and it was white. White? Surely this was a trick of the eye. No, it was white. Spider webs? I mean, I know the dew shows all the spider webs and the fact that I hadn't mowed...maybe we are just up to our eyes in spiders. I went over to the grass to take a closer look. Yes, all the dead spots were white. It kind of looked like webs....but no. It was all spikey. Holy crud, what is that stuff? Some new kind of bug? Why didn't the insecticide kill it? Fuzzy...Oh man, this is some kind of mold or fungus. How did this happen? Why just my yard? The others don't have it. Why is it just where I spread the stuff? Is there mold on the insecticide?

So I did a few internet searches. Yep. Fungus of some sort. Most just said that there isn't anything you can do about it, that it comes out when it is humid and it will go away. Good. And we'll see. I already told Tracy that I was afraid that I killed the lawn this year, thinking that the insecticide was too strong and it was killing all the grass...or that maybe there was a problem and I was spreading grass killer instead.

We are a few weeks removed. No Japanese Beetles to speak of. The lawn has recovered. It is green again. It is in its normal "I suck for a lawn" mode that it has been since we moved in. Life goes on. We still might get a lawn service next year. We just aren't good at this aspect of ownership.