Hayden's Belated Birthday...Meat Cake.

Evilenko

Rating:	★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Drama

There are a few actors that I like to follow. Not particularly close, but I like their style. Malcolm McDowell is one of those for me. I’ve been going through his library of films via Netflix for the past several years. I’ve been mostly happy with his portrayals. He plays someone that is always slightly off. He plays it well. I like him in Generations, where he played a man willing to kill millions, if not billions, of people so he could live under the delusion of having his wife and family with him. He was in the remake of Fantasy Island where strange powers were employed to fulfill fantasies. More recently, I’ve watched him in The Mentalist (a rip off of USA’s Psyched) as a cult leader. I actually started watching The Mentalist just for his appearances.

In this movie, he definitely moved out of his comfort zone. Pretty far out of mine too. He plays a Russian serial killer, who preys upon women and children. Not only does he sexually abuse them, but he mutilates them with a flourish of cannibalism. A totally sick and depraved individual. Really, this movie is disturbing, and it is just a bunch of actors. I can’t imagine what the reality was like. The detective played by Marton Csokas ( of Aeon Flux fame) had a difficult time tracking him down and didn’t until over 50 victims were totaled.

I guess what was most disturbing to me, as I am a fan of detective and forensic shows, was how they convinced Mr. McDowell to play this part. I mean, it was completely off the rails for him. I also have to burn his naked form, as well as Mr. Csokas’, from my memory in some strange, homo-erotic psychoanalysis session in order to obtain a confession. Good night, you can’t unsee that.

I don’t expect anyone to rush out and see this movie, or put it in your queue, unless you are as twisted as I am, and this pushed my limits. It is unrated, and with appropriate reasons. Lots of blood, some nudity and a heaping helping of “OMG! Turn your eyes!”

Another movie was made about the same individual. It is named “Citizen X” and it has received some awards so perhaps that is more accurate or more tastefully done. I still like Malcolm McDowell, but what the heck was he thinking.

On snow

I would look out of the window and watch the snow fall down to virgin ground. I would watch the flakes swirl and sway in the eddies that would etch their path up and down the ridges, set like steps across the yard. The snow would sparkle and shine, glimmer in the bright sun. The narrow expanse of the yard would beckon for my gaze, to see the bright sculpture that nature had set before me.

 I would look out the window at the simple beauty, a foreign landscape from the green that occupied my vision but a few short months before. A vision of blades and weeds are now taken by white and drifts that rise and fall with the ever present wind.

I look out the window at chaos. My white dunes now crushed, pulverized. Piles of hard packed crystals, paths beaten into the depths, lumps of uneven size scattered across the small vista that I call my own. Not a space untouched, undisturbed. All is scattered. Banks once rigid are flattened, as if a herd of caribou had made a visit, scattering my calm with their passing.

Kids.

(500) Days of Summer

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Romantic Comedy

I just finished watching a wonderful film. Absolutely enjoyed it. “(500) Days of Summer” It is not a love story. You are told that by the author very quickly in the film. It isn’t chronological, which absolutely makes the film. You are seeing a relationship through the eyes of Tom (Joseph-Gorden Levitt) and his love Summer (Zooey Deschanel). These are two of my favorite actors (See Zooey in Tin Man). What is great about it is that Tom is constantly trying to figure out where he stands in the relationship, hence the non-chronological sequence, and trying to figure out where he went wrong. Any man does this, constantly trying to read the woman, wondering where he stands.

No, it isn’t a love story, but an darn good film. There isn’t any nudity that I recall, but the language is a little harsh, but considering the topic and the people, not out of place. I used worse in high school. I highly recommend this film. I haven’t had a lot of enjoyable movies lately, and this was worth the time.

http://www.amazon.com/500-Days-Summer-Zooey-Deschanel/dp/B001UV4XUG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1291860186&sr=8-1

A great review here. http://www.amazon.com/review/R1A326IY2PMMU6/ref=cm_cr_dp_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B001UV4XUG&nodeID=130&tag=&linkCode=

Insomnia and the Atonement

I’ve been suffering from insomnia recently. It has affected my work and my relationships, so I feel the need to apologize for my somewhat erratic behavior as of late. It isn’t something that I like to admit but I know it has happened as I’ve put some things in retrospective.

Some of the things that I’ve been thinking about recently are my relationships with people. I’ve spent much more time with this after reading some books by Blake Ostler. They have significantly changed my view of the Gospel, the Atonement, and my interaction with the divine. Wow, you say, that’s quite a list. Yes, it is quite a list.

In my amateur apologetic experience, I’ve defended the church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or LDS Church) in many of its practices and doctrines. That really hasn’t changed. I still think that Joseph Smith, its founder, is one of the great thinkers of all time. His views have been glorious, and I don’t make any apologies for liking his world so much. Still, I have some fundamental issues, not necessarily with his teachings, but with the underlying structure of Christianity in general. I am constantly taken back by how corrupt all the agencies of man have been and have become. I’m more and more disillusioned with the direction of my government and the direction the world is going. In general, I’m trying to make sense of things.

Blake Ostler made no bones about taking some of the assumptions of Christianity on, even how members of the church perceive the gospel and make reasons for doing what they do. Presently, I’m rereading his second book, “The Problems of Theism and the Love of God”. I am particularly interested in that volume because it addresses the Atonement. It starts by addressing our relationship with God. Or rather, the relationship that God wants us to be in with him. He wants to be our Father, in a loving peer relationship. Everything he has done is to build us into coming into that relationship. Indeed, that is the reason for the atonement, to get us back to him.

So we are at the atonement. How does that work? How can my sins ever be transferred to anyone else? Blake offers that they can’t. In the same respect that we cannot punish an innocent man for the guilt of another, it cannot work that way for the atonement either. Our sense of justice wouldn’t allow it. To say that God somehow works under different rules undercuts our own way we perceive justice. Is it right to punish an innocent man for the guilt of another, in any regards? That guilt cannot be transferred. It simply cannot. The LDS belief that we cannot assume the guilt or consequence of Adam’s sin in the garden applies here as well, other than the fact that Adam was forgiven of that act. If I steal a car, it makes no sense to throw my son in jail. Does God operate on a completely different sense of justice than we do? Can we trust a being that operates in a way that is contrary to our simple views of justice? So you see the dilemma.

I honestly can’t summarize Blake’s views completely, as I’ve molded them with my own to a great degree. His view of atonement is that it is the state that divinity resides in. He feels pain not because he has assumed our guilt, as guilt doesn’t transfer. He feels pain because forgiveness requires pain. To forgive is just as stressful and painful as the guilt. The prodigal son is the prime example of this, although we constantly put ourselves in the state of the son and not the father. What problems, pain and sorrow does the father feel in that story? Having the atonement as a state of being with divinity takes the time element out of the atonement. Both the Father and Son feel the pain of the atonement, all the time. It is part and parcel of being divine, of bringing souls to your level, them becoming more and more part of your world.  It is an interesting theory, and really the only one that I have come across that comes close to answering my difficulties with the atonement.

Something else that I have considered is our getting the cart before the horse. We have looked at Jesus as the fulfillment of OT prophesies but perhaps aren’t understanding the cause and effect. Christians look at the blood of Christ in a particular way, of somehow having healing properties for the soul. Well, perhaps it really isn’t that way. The system of animal sacrifice did have blood as an element. However, there is no salvation in the blood of animals. The entire reason for animal sacrifice was to help us identify the Savior once he came, not necessarily that there was some healing properties with the shedding of blood. Jesus came as the suffering servant, not as a political figure. He was to be sacrificed by the people and their priests, so animal sacrifice was descriptive. Jesus needed to learn pain, sacrifice, hopeless suffering, those things that couldn’t be learned in a disembodied state. Just as we need to learn them. Blood was part of the atonement, but not integral. It was to help us identify the Savior from a more political entity that some of the jews still look forward to.

Joseph learned of the temple ordinances, the sealing powers, after the Kirtland Temple was dedicated. I think he learned what the real purpose of the gospel was. It wasn’t the forgiveness of sins, that was but a step. The real gospel is the sealing of the human family, the covenant relationships with each other that bind us to one another. The highest sacrament of the gospel isn’t with God directly, it is with my wife and my children. Joseph had that sealing power extend to a more expanded view than what the church currently allows. Brigham Young or perhaps it was another president narrowed the sealing powers to particular relationships.  At one point, I thought it was Joseph living a principle that he might not have fully understood. I’m more inclined to think that Joseph had a more expansive view of the human family than we have or can really fathom. Before I start being accused of heresy or apostasy, I am not claiming that we should have not made those changes. I don’t pretend to that kind of knowledge. I fully accept that the president of the church is the only one with the sealing keys. I just think that we might learn more about the significance of this in the future than we do now.

Joseph highly treasured his friends. They were the reason he went through what he did. Some of his last words were that if his friends didn’t treasure his safety, than neither did he. Biting, to be sure, but that was his mind. As I get older, the more important those things are to me. Although I am a recluse, I want those intimate friendships, that bonding and time with others. My time on this earth is short. It has been filled with joys and sorrow, but though it all, friends are there. My wife is there. My family is there. They are the tangible parts of God that I can know and experience. It is to be with them forever that is my goal.

I highly recommend Blake’s books. They are not easy reads. He operates on a level that is logical and yet complex at times. Many in the church disagree with him. Luckily, there is room in the church for disagreement. We can learn of our own path before God with Him directly. I can’t say that my views have been verified in such a way, just that I find it easier to function with this view of the atonement and gospel. I’ll learn soon enough of the error of my ways as we all will.

 

New England in a day

See the photos at http://groesser.multiply.com/photos/album/35/Maine_Trip.

I have a bucket list. At least, that is what Tracy called it. I never thought I was old enough to have one of those, but I’ll go with it. It isn’t all that much of a list. I just want to visit all 50 states. So, as of last week, I had visited 46. I was missing Oregon, Maine, Alaska and Hawaii. So….where can I go in a rental car?

I’ve plans for Alaska and Hawaii, and I’ll be out west next year. That kind of limits my choices. I’ve avoided going to Maine because of its location. I had some issues in New England and I had some anxiety there. However, as I was planning, I realized that my anxiety seemed to have run its course. Much of the problem was related to my mission and my state of mind. Well, no way to find out if it is all better without actually going, huh? So I packed up Hayden and Ellie and off we went. It was fairly strange traveling without my normal angst that I carry with me. I use my trips to meditate, think, and come to grips with whatever problems I’m having at the time. This time…nothing. Oddly calm, or at least, oddly calm for me. I traveled though Indiana and Ohio with only one incident of driving a woman off the road. The car was a sports car and it had a huge blind spot and I just didn’t see this woman. Nothing seems to have come from it except my increased awareness.

The first night was spent in Buffalo, NY. Ellie lost a bet and had to sleep in my bed. Wow. That girl moves a lot at night. I think that I found the reason why Bennet always wakes up at night. She woke me up several times that night with her talking, moving and sitting up in bed.

The next morning it was raining. We drove to Palmyra to see the church sites there. We first went to the temple. I wasn’t sure if I had seen it. I didn’t think I had but the corner stone had 2000. I know I went there since then. We visited several times when friends lived there in the 90s. So we took some pics, played with a “temple toad” and went back down to Camorah. That is the place where the plates from the Book of Mormon were found. It holds some special family significance also. After the nickel tour from the missionaries there we got directions to the local Walmart (kids were sick and needed some drugs) we found that we could now drive to the top of the hill. So, we did. The kids ran out to the statue and keeping in mind the sacred nature of the place, I said a little prayer of thanks. I’ve been entrusted with some wonderful kids and I hope I am a good parent. I just wanted to thank Heavenly Father for what he had given me.

After a long trip to the “local” walmart, we again got on the road. In Albany I decided that we had some time so I took the road to Vermont. It would take me through one of my old mission areas which I wasn’t particularly fond of but the road I knew was beautiful. When we neared the Vermont boarder, Hayden threw himself forward and looked at me and said “First in Vermont!” So…now we had a game to play, didn’t we? When we passed through the valley I noticed a tower to the side. As I wondered what it was, Hayden said “It’s the tower of doom.” So I exclaimed “And every hour the laser of death shoots out and destroys cars on the road!” I glanced down and yelled “And it’s one minute to three! AAAAUUGGHH!” So we went through downtown Bennington screaming about the beams of doom. The trip up and down the mountains was beautiful. It was one of the only joys of being in that place. As we moved towards New Hampshire, I kept telling Hayden that it wasn’t near the border. Then as we crossed the river, I thrust my hand forward and looked at Hayden. He realized what I was doing and was foiled in his attempt to get into the state first.

We got lost in Portsmouth looking for our motel. Thank goodness for GPS because we had to go by the place three times before we could see or get into it.

The next day we again got lost looking for the Walmart to return our Redbox movie. Lousy layout for a retail area. The trip into Maine was via an older bridge in the middle of downtown. Lots of artsy fartsy stores. As we tried to find a nice place to view the Atlantic, Hayden mentioned that no one seemed to be smiling. I explained that people aren’t smiling because they realize they live in Maine. We got out, walked around a bit and then went down and drove to Boston. Each border crossing became a wrestling match between Hayden and me to see who was going to be first.

We traveled from there to Rhode Island, my first state-side area. I took some picks of Wyoming, RI. First to make some joke about Wyoming fitting into RI but to take some pics of the area. We traveled through there a lot when I lived in Wakefield.

Just inside Connecticut, I stopped for gas and purchased Tracy a lottery ticket. She said she wanted a souvenir and this was something. Off again on the road to Norwich. Norwich holds special significance. It was one of the most emotional times of my life, where I had to rebuild my psyche and overcome a crushing depression. It also was one of the more profound times in my life.  I loved much of that city. It was a very “character building” place. Still, we had to cross Pennsylvania yet that day so no time to dawdle. I had visited once earlier in the decade, so I did have some memories.

After racing through Danbury, my favorite area, we stopped at a rest area in NY. I had a little emotional moment as I realized that I didn’t feel any anxiety at all that day, that I seemed to have crossed that river, so to speak. It was a wonderful feeling.

The trip home was very uneventful. Scranton was pretty, believe it or not. Ohio was flat and so was Indiana. Aside from an passing an accident on the toll way, it was an uneventful trip but lots of good memories. 

Live Free or Die!

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Science Fiction & Fantasy
Author:	John Ringo

http://www.amazon.com/Live-Free-Die-Troy-Rising/dp/1439133328/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1289422347&sr=1-1

I finished reading “Live Free or Die” from John Ringo. I have avoided some of his work in the past but this seemed promising. It is based on an online comic so the ideas aren’t original to him. However, he is filling in the gaps to the comic. The basis of the book is that the earth is invaded by a group of people called the Horvath. They don’t have a lot of power, but they can drop rocks on Earth and essentially have us beat. The thing is, a man, Tyler, has figured out that maple syrup works like a drug on another group of aliens and Tyler has become rich and powerful from that trade. The Horvath have threatened the Earth to take over the trade and have told the President that Tyler must die and all syrup must be delivered to them. The following is a broadcast on Tyler’s reaction.

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“Now, as a people, we have been called upon to make great and momentous decisions. Decisions reflecting both liberty and security. Liberty is an odd word. And for a long time it has been, in truth, degraded. Many who used the term liberty in truth mean libertine. And even those who fought in our courts and legislature over questions of liberty, in truth meant things that are minor at best and puerile at worst. As we have now found out, liberty is not about where you can put your sexual organs but about the essential question of whether we, as a people, can make our own decisions. And security is not about whether the government should be able to tap our phone but about whether we are going to be allowed to take the next breath. Will our cities be ashes? Will we live? Will our children live?

“Yet…to battle over maple syrup? The inherent humor of the situation sometimes clouds the truly vast nature of the struggle. For it is not, in the end, what we give up, maple syrup or gold or platinum. It is of a piece. It is about whether we, as a people, as nations that were both conceived in liberty, will continue to cherish that concept.

“Benjamin Franklin once said: “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” And in this current condition there is, in fact, neither. I understand, as few but the most specialized experts understand, the strategic situation. The Horvath control our orbitals. We can fight but there is simply no way to win. Fighting would appear to be a pointless exercise.

“But collecting this maple syrup requires the willing cooperation of thousands of people. Men and women, Canadian and American, who have been born in the concept, instilled in the idea, of liberty. These people of the fields, woods, and mountains, pour from these regions to fill our military. Not, as many city folk think, because they’re poor or desperate but because this is their essential nature. No person is happy to give their life, but the people of this region believe that there is something larger than their selves. Not just God, although many are believers in God, but a vision, a philosophy, a shared belief in freedom and justice and the battle against tyranny. From their very mother’s milk they are filled with this belief, that to die in the cause of freedom brings not heaven but a better place here on Earth for succeeding generations.

“I have taken the tenor of these people and they are determined against yielding. As stubborn as the granite of their mountains, they, almost in unanimity, refuse to yield. They may, perhaps will, be destroyed. But they, and, yes, their children, will die free.

“They, however, are not under threat. The Horvath threaten to destroy our cities, not these woods, mountains and fields. Let me touch upon that.

“The Horvath are a very monolithic and communal culture. The very concept of liberty is foreign to them. So I’m going to have to explain something to the Horvath. You may be looking upon our cities as sort of communal groups for which the people of this region are gatherers. This is not, in fact, the case. The people of this region are their own communal grouping, connected to but not of the cities. They are, in fact, almost invariably at odds with the groups of the cities. The cities, you dumb squids, are our enemies. You’re threatening our enemies, you morons! We hate the people of the cities. I hate the people of the cities! Liberal, whining, socialist pussies! They’ve never given us anything but trouble! Please, please, please nuke Washington! What has Washington ever done for us? They just take and take and take! The bastards! Kill them all!

“As for me, I’ll tell you what I think!” Tyler said shouting. He jumped up to his feet and flipped a bird at the ceiling, looking straight up. “Give me liberty, or give me death, you bastards! Live free or …”

“Lost signal from the cabin,“ Ryan said. “switching to…secondary remote.”

“Hah!” Tyler said, still flipping the bird at the ceiling. “Missed me, you egg-sucking ignoramuses! Never heard of a laser relay or a green-screen, have you? Go ahead and try to take our maple syrup! Dumb-asses!”

“And secondary remote is gone.” Ryan said.

“I think that’s good enough,” Tyler said.

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The book has some interesting points, mostly a growing outrage with the people against the government. I was kind of shocked by the bluntness of the author but if this is getting into SF, that shows there are a lot of ticked off people out there. It is an interesting read but isn’t really believable. You can tell he’s trying to mesh into an existing story and the end kind of fizzles. Oh well, it was worth it for the above exerpt.