The song is This Town by Niall Horan.
The lyrics are following, along with my issues with it. I think some of this has to do with the guy's age. I mean, I come at things with decades of dysfunction. Poetry means a lot to me, and the romantic poetry hits the hardest to me because I know and understand the emotions behind it. I suffered a lot internally as a teen. I know that I'm not alone in that sense. Youth sucks in a lot of ways.
Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there
The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air
It's hard
Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round
It's funny how things never change in this old town
So far from the stars
I'm not sure what the context of this is. I'm assuming this is talking about a former live-in love interest. The breakup was recent? That would make more sense to me if the perfume is still stuck in the air, or perhaps he hasn't washed the bedding in forever. What gets me is the phrase "funny how things never change in this old town." What? You are expressing a big change, at least to you. What are you talking about? I thought I had a good take on the time frame, and you throw that line in....seriously, aside from the rhyme, what does this phrase have to do with the previous lines?
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now
Alright. back to something I can relate to again. I know this feeling well. Like I mentioned, youth sucks. It gets in your way and that damned need of acceptance, the false bravado, has bitten me in the past. How long I've had to think about how to not make the same mistakes I've made in the past. It was a full time job for me at one time. It took some time for me to open up, to actually be able to express my feelings. Heck, I can't even say that I've come to that point yet. Some feelings can be destructive. For years, I've had feelings that I didn't know what to do with. Still don't. I've had to just let them sit there. I still love all the same people I've always loved. I still like the ones I've always liked. I don't know what to do with some of those feelings. If I express them, would that make them more or less real? Would they do any damage? Perhaps they are fine being where they are.
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
I don't understand that top line. I've only been in one relationship where I didn't want the world to know what was going on. I knew that was not being fair to either of us and I had to end it. It also turned out to be a bit messy. Otherwise, I've never had any issues with anyone seeing who I was dancing with. I'm assuming that this breakup, the one in the song, was probably initiated by the other party. So, why would you have a problem with anyone seeing who you are dancing with? Love is best in the open. You are proud of the other person in the relationship. You want the world to know that you love this person. The world doesn't care, but that is another matter.
And I do understand the driving part. I have friends that I would "do anything" for. I put that in quotes because in my life I've had to qualify a lot of things. Sometimes it just isn't possible, or it would be a situation that would be emotionally damaging. In some ways, I wouldn't know what to do. You've seen on TV, or perhaps have first-hand experiences, where you don't know what to do with your hands, for example. Everything just seems awkward. I have that feeling all the time. I don't know what to do with a situation. I don't know what to do with these feelings. The introvert in me sometimes wins. It isn't something that I'm particularly proud of.
I saw that you moved on with someone new
In the pub that we met he's got his arms around you
It's so hard
So hard
Yeah. That. I don't know if I would find different haunts if I began dating someone new. I knew that at times I was dating a few women at a time and I didn't want to meet certain people when out and about. It happened once. I was out with one girl and a mutual friend with Tracy saw me. That was awkward, but I also wasn't exclusive with anyone at the time. (And Tracy didn't appear to be all that interested in me either.) I do get how hard it is. Yep. You have to dig deep and find that adult in you and push through the feelings.
I have friends that have been divorced. I admit I have a morbid fascination because I don't know how I would react to such an event in my own life. I mean, I am interested in people's relationships and how people make them work anyway. I think this is in my life because I had to figure out a lot of things being in an awkward situation, but also having to figure it out alone. Being in the midst of life, not sequestered like I was, and having something like that happen is fascinating to me. I like to know how strong, or weak, people are and what they found out about themselves.
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now
As if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
I understand the butterflies, but I think that is a byproduct of love and adoration anyway. I've heard it expressed like this or something along the lines that you should be in a relationship where the other person terrifies you a bit. I think this isn't the current definition of "terrify". The current usage is more negative than it used to be.
And I know that it's wrong
That I can't move on
But there's something about you
I think that this is a key verse. I like this. And I know "moving on" means different things to different people. If this is a recent breakup then moving on is something very different than something decades removed. Moving on in this sense might be just collecting yourself and working this out. At the time, things look hopeless but they do change. How people deal with that is individual. I always vowed to do better. to not make those mistakes again, to be forward-looking. I can't do much about the feelings I have, and I don't want them to fester or have them turn negative. I know people have always viewed me as rather gruff and grumpy. I don't think that is how I think in my own mind. I'm very internally focused and I don't want to jeopardize relationships around me intentionally. Thing is, that gets in my way too.
As to being wrong, I don't know. Don't be a stalker. Don't live in the past to the detriment of your future. Accept your feelings. If you need to express them, then find a safe way to do it. If you don't know a safe way to do it, find a trusting friend and ask. Really. This kind of thing is better with human interaction. Lots of it. The natural response is to withdraw, but that isn't what most people need. I didn't need it in the past, but I was in a particular situation and I had to figure a lot out myself. I kept a lot inside, in a lot of ways with Tracy too. It is just better to talk it out. Even if you can't find the words to express them. I know that a lot of the time I came off as a jerk and yet Tracy was there to still work with me. Friends do that, and sometimes that is what you need. In my worst of times, I didn't need Tracy, my lover, I needed Tracy, my confidant. And that I think is how I worked through a lot of my thoughts and feelings, and why I write them down now.
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
Everything comes back to you
