Another Black Friday (or is it "Can't have enough marketing crap" Thursday) and my OCD is once again assuaged. I am not too proud to admit that I have a hoarding issues with a few things, pencils, paper and candles. Pencils and paper I get satisfied during the Back to School sales. Candles are more sporadic, only coming to the fore on the cold part of the year.
Time to admit where it comes from. This is all part of my coming clean with my life and my feelings on certain things. There are triggers to aspects of our lives, and I might as well admit to a few.
Paper and Pencils
This really started during high school and perhaps earlier. I always tried to be as frugal as I could and most of the time it was a game. I once copied an entire year's worth of science notes on one 8x11 sheet of paper. I did it mostly to see if I could. It probably helped my memory quite a bit.
College reinforced this. Not having a lot of money to spend on things and the fact that going through paper and pencils (mechanical by this time) at a prodigious rate had a little different effect on the noggin. I don't think any kind of hoarding happened, but I learned to appreciate office products. Does that make any sense?
My mission drilled this into my skull with a vengeance. You see, you can only communicate with loved ones back home via letters. Since the beginning of my mission was overseas, writing on good paper with a fine point became critical. I fell in love with engineering paper during my first years of college so I wrote important people using that. Others were relegated to the smaller aerograms. My depression of that first year made me want to write and write the ones I love trying to make sense of the flood of unfamiliar feelings and try to ease the pain I was experiencing in merely existing. Since the bank wasn't delivering any of the money my parents were sending, I had to rely on food that members gave and the few Francs I could borrow. There were more than a few weeks where I had to choose between eating or writing, and I chose writing. I don't know how much I passed this on to those I was writing. I know I sent several letters to my parents asking for money. I'm not sure I ever told anyone else of the other background things that were going on.
After I was transferred back to the states, the depression still continued. I became more and more desperate in my writing as I circled the drain that appeared to be my life. Writing everyday became one of the few joys in my days. After the depression broke, my writing dropped off markedly. I didn't feel that I could trust myself in writing. My emotions had betrayed me, and that was reflected in my writing and I kept much of my communication at a minimum.
Restarting college ramped up the writing again. I was actually in my major and I went through that expensive engineering paper and mechanical pencils at an increasing rate. I was also a custodian in the business school. I had access and responsibilities to clean up classrooms and an almost limitless access to dropped pencils and pens. I kept them, and I used them, but I never used as much as I found. I still have a lot of them. Granted, I threw away many of the pencils, but I kept the leads. I have a LOT of leads to this day. It reminds me of the most hectic and probably the happiest time of my life.
I also used writing in dating. I had a very welcome habit of leaving love notes and love letters to the girls I was dating.
I buy a small number of paper pads and mechanical pencils every year. I have a set limit so it isn't like I have boxes of the stuff, but I do admit that I like to touch them every once in a while, just to remind me of a different time, if nothing else.
This really started during high school and perhaps earlier. I always tried to be as frugal as I could and most of the time it was a game. I once copied an entire year's worth of science notes on one 8x11 sheet of paper. I did it mostly to see if I could. It probably helped my memory quite a bit.
College reinforced this. Not having a lot of money to spend on things and the fact that going through paper and pencils (mechanical by this time) at a prodigious rate had a little different effect on the noggin. I don't think any kind of hoarding happened, but I learned to appreciate office products. Does that make any sense?
My mission drilled this into my skull with a vengeance. You see, you can only communicate with loved ones back home via letters. Since the beginning of my mission was overseas, writing on good paper with a fine point became critical. I fell in love with engineering paper during my first years of college so I wrote important people using that. Others were relegated to the smaller aerograms. My depression of that first year made me want to write and write the ones I love trying to make sense of the flood of unfamiliar feelings and try to ease the pain I was experiencing in merely existing. Since the bank wasn't delivering any of the money my parents were sending, I had to rely on food that members gave and the few Francs I could borrow. There were more than a few weeks where I had to choose between eating or writing, and I chose writing. I don't know how much I passed this on to those I was writing. I know I sent several letters to my parents asking for money. I'm not sure I ever told anyone else of the other background things that were going on.
After I was transferred back to the states, the depression still continued. I became more and more desperate in my writing as I circled the drain that appeared to be my life. Writing everyday became one of the few joys in my days. After the depression broke, my writing dropped off markedly. I didn't feel that I could trust myself in writing. My emotions had betrayed me, and that was reflected in my writing and I kept much of my communication at a minimum.
Restarting college ramped up the writing again. I was actually in my major and I went through that expensive engineering paper and mechanical pencils at an increasing rate. I was also a custodian in the business school. I had access and responsibilities to clean up classrooms and an almost limitless access to dropped pencils and pens. I kept them, and I used them, but I never used as much as I found. I still have a lot of them. Granted, I threw away many of the pencils, but I kept the leads. I have a LOT of leads to this day. It reminds me of the most hectic and probably the happiest time of my life.
I also used writing in dating. I had a very welcome habit of leaving love notes and love letters to the girls I was dating.
I buy a small number of paper pads and mechanical pencils every year. I have a set limit so it isn't like I have boxes of the stuff, but I do admit that I like to touch them every once in a while, just to remind me of a different time, if nothing else.
Candles
Not sure where this began. It was fairly recent, but I always have liked fire. Candles and matches have always had a thing with me, but nothing like arson or anything else felonious. I just like a flame, and a small one is nice to have around. I think I have this in check, but to use what I buy means I just have to be more cognizant of lighting them and using them.
Not sure where this began. It was fairly recent, but I always have liked fire. Candles and matches have always had a thing with me, but nothing like arson or anything else felonious. I just like a flame, and a small one is nice to have around. I think I have this in check, but to use what I buy means I just have to be more cognizant of lighting them and using them.
Soap
This is more of an opportunity purchase. Walgreens once had good prices on it and I purchased it because it was a good price. Later, I realized that soap with tallow was ruining my skin during the winter months and I started getting soap that didn't have that ingredient. My stockpile in this is also shrinking.
Within this hoarding is the little soaps and shampoos that I collect from hotel stays. I have a small collection of these too, but I consciously use them as I can.
This is more of an opportunity purchase. Walgreens once had good prices on it and I purchased it because it was a good price. Later, I realized that soap with tallow was ruining my skin during the winter months and I started getting soap that didn't have that ingredient. My stockpile in this is also shrinking.
Within this hoarding is the little soaps and shampoos that I collect from hotel stays. I have a small collection of these too, but I consciously use them as I can.
Cologne
Directly attributable to college. A woman I was dating once gave me some samples and during my mission, I would smell them just to remember what it was like being a normal person. I still use cologne as a way of remembering certain people and places. I probably have more cologne now than I could ever use, but I still enjoy the memories I have when I open them. It is like a scrapbook for me.
Directly attributable to college. A woman I was dating once gave me some samples and during my mission, I would smell them just to remember what it was like being a normal person. I still use cologne as a way of remembering certain people and places. I probably have more cologne now than I could ever use, but I still enjoy the memories I have when I open them. It is like a scrapbook for me.
That's it. I might have a few more but these are the ones that tickle my brain more than others. Whenever I think I'm too smart to fall for any kind of nonsense, I remember that I still have some fairly primitive behaviors in my anxiety closet and I'm in no place to criticize others.
