Eric's Depression

I read an article this morning from my favorite movie reviewer, Eric D. Snider. I’ve followed Eric for some time and he graduated from the same college as I did, but a couple of years back. I have an autographed book of his somewhere around here. Anyway, this article wasn’t his normal fare, but darn well worth it.

http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-great-depression/

I HIGHLY recommend you read it. I also wrote a blurb about depression a year or so ago,

http://groesser.multiply.com/journal/item/99/Depression_Thoughts.

It wasn’t nearly as well done as Eric’s.

I want to be a little more forthcoming on this topic. I don’t think my depression spells are chemical, or biological. I think mine are situational. I can feel them coming on and I know the triggers and I have ways of coping with it. Luckily I’ve been able to handle them. I don’t know what it would be like with a biological issue. I’ve never taken medication for it but then I don’t know how seriously it was taken back when I had it.

I’ve learned lately that it is best to just say what is on your mind, come clean so to speak. I didn’t know what told me that what I had suffered from was depression. Probably my wife…you know…telling me it was depression. Eventually it sunk in and I somehow think it was my idea and a brilliant deduction.  It was the worst two years of my life, and some here can catch the reference. Actually, it was a damn horrible year followed by a mighty hard go. I had driven away my closest friends and strained other’s. I dreaded opening my eyes every morning. It was hard to function. I was slowly being crushed and I felt I had lost everything. In the moment I was finally faced with all that I had done, all that was happening to me, I decided to change my situation, even if it completely messed up the plans I had made for my life. Well, to be honest, many of those were already shot. Well, situations sometimes have other factors, so I was left with changing my attitude, my reason for going on. I had a bad year, but I made it through.

Once I returned to BYU, I was highly functioning again. Luckily, all this happened away from school so I didn’t completely submarine my chances at a good education. What followed were some of the best times of my life, ones I’ll always remember. Dating like there was no tomorrow, operating on little to no sleep, jamming differential calculus and transistor operation into my head, programming….ah, structured programming; it clears my head like no other task. Aside from a short blip of indecision on where my life was going, it all fell into place.

I’m glad I had that year away, to get it all together. I met some of the most wonderful people then, Park, Noelle, Eric, Bebee, Hecking, Griffith…the list goes on. 

Still, don’t neglect depression. See someone about it. I was in a tough spot because of my situation and people didn’t want to pass judgment on that choice. Professionals tiptoed around it. But my situation isn’t yours. If you think you have a problem, do something. Life is too short to mess around with it. Life is too short to not be happy.

Darth Bane: Dynasty of Evil

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Science Fiction & Fantasy
Author:	Drew Karpyshyn

Amazon details and reviews.


I like the Old Republic books. They are an interesting read, with the chance to get away from the characters from the Star Wars movies. This was a very quick read for me, and somewhat predictable. Bane was a bit more calculating and the other characters were a bit more flat. Only a few surprises, and those not attending the plot or arc of the books.

It did seem to me that this book was rushed. It just wasn't as sharp or insightful as the previous books. Perhaps I'm just losing interest in the franchise. I have read most of the books. The New Jedi Order books really did put me off. That was a depressing chain of 18 books, with absolutely no resolution or happy ending. It has colored my thinking. I know there are books by certain authors that I don't read because those authors just aren't interesting. Also, some fairly key elements in the previous books didn't seem to make their way throughout the whole universe yet, or perhaps some authors don't want them to color their notions of how the SW universe should act.

Interesting book, continues the arc. I'll have to wait for a further book to see if it actually is pivotal or not. It does have the potential.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Rating:	★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Romance
Author:	Steve Harvey

Warning. Adult themed content.

OK. I read a “chick book”. I had stumbled upon Steve Harvey’s second book at the store and I took a look. I only read a few pages and was amazed that he was so insightful. I couldn’t find the book at the library so I reserved it (I want to read the Tom Clancy book first and I hope that comes in first, (and it did this morning!)) and I checked out his first book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” instead. It promised to be a fast read. I’ve always been fascinated by relationships. It might be because I’m married to a marriage counselor, or it might be that I flamed out so often when I was dating and I try to reconstruct it. It might be that I work with computers and I like the randomness of people. That might also explain my fascination with forensics, the merging of science and people with an extreme randomness. I don’t know. I do want to see how normal or abnormal I am. I keep trying to convince Tracy that we have a dysfunctional marriage but she isn’t buying it. Darn it, that just makes getting a divorce that much more difficult.

http://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Lady-Think-Relationships/product-reviews/0061728977/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Anyway, I want to review some things on the book and perhaps provide some insight into my own twisted world.

His first comments on love are interesting, and pretty close. Men and women don’t love each other the same way. The focus of the book is for women but there really needs to be a companion book for the men. He places a lot of emphasis on women adapting to men and little to no time on how men need to adapt to women. I understand that considering the focus of the book. Still, it isn’t descriptive for all men. I know I’m a bit different than the man he seems to describe. Still, I have a pretty successful marriage of 22 years. He places emphasis on Profess (a woman the man is proud to have), Provide (the need of a man to provide for his family), and Protect (The need for a man to protect his woman/family). He spends a lot of the book justifying those things. For the most part, he does describe men and the way we think, but with some differences, at least for me.

First, I do like intimacy, and not just the physical kind. The non-touching, non talking man that he describes isn’t me. At least, the non-public me isn’t described well by the book. I can give a determined scowl to most anybody but at home I’m different. I’m chatty, loud and a general nut. I like to hold my wife’s hand, mess with her hair and talk for hours on topics that have no relevance. So, the stoic male assumed by the book isn’t me, but you would never know by my public behavior.

Second, I’m not as much a “fixer” as described. I wouldn’t think about making changes in our home without Tracy’s input. While I do have the advice behavior, meaning, don’t bring up a situation where you don’t want a solution. I will try to fix that. In other things around the house or the environment of our family, Tracy is the authority. I’ll take her direction, but I won’t do anything without her approval. If you want a new dishwasher, pick it out, have someone install it (‘cause I won’t do it right) and I’ll pay for it. If you complain about the dishwasher, be prepared to do what it takes to fix it but I won’t pick it out for you. It is your house. I’ll make sure it is operational, but you need to do the selection.

He does give some good advice about how to properly date a man, to set the tone of the dates. I can’t fault him there.

His statement of a man’s needs was also accurate. Our needs are very simple. Support (2 pages), Loyalty (1 page), Sex (6 pages). He was accurate in how much time spent on each too. Sorry to reinforce stereotypes, but stereotypes are there for a reason.

“No-brainer. Men. Need. Sex. We love it. Ain’t nothin’ on this planet like it, nothing else we want that bad on a continuous basis, nothing else we simply cannot live without. Take our house, take our job, the ’69 Impala, our last pair of gators, but please—puh-leeze—don’t hold out on the cookie. We don’t care about anything else; we need the cookie. We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love, the woman who is loyal to us and supports us, and the way we do that is by making love. …But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period. It’s how we plug in, recharge, and reconnect. I don’t know of a man who doesn’t need this . Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the Smithsonian—he’s that special and rare. But the rest of us men? We need sex like we need air.” (page 43)

Some other good excerpts:

“Why don’t men like to cuddle after sex?
Because we’re hot. We’re exhausted. We put in a lot of work, we’re sweaty and burning up and we just need you to hold on a minute before you come climbing over to the our side of the bed talking about holding something.” (page 215)

“What is the international man signal for ‘I’m no longer listening to you’?
Once a man gives his answer to whatever question you’re asking (or he thinks he heard, even if you never asked one), he’s probably not listening to you anymore. Your cue is when he gives an answer. As far as he’s concerned, his solution will fix whatever it is you’re talking about, and if you’re still taking after that, he’s not listening anymore.” (page 225).

I liked the book, but its value is dubious. Like I said, he doesn’t talk for me. I’m not his ‘typical’ guy. Still, to have this from a comedian…but I guess behavior is what comedians notice.

Citizen X

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Drama

This movie was an alternate rendition of the story previously reviewed, "Evilenko". I must agree with other reviewers on Netflix. This is a much more watchable, realistic presentation of the story.

It begins with several bodies being found in a field and the soviet authorities not knowing what to do with a situation such as this. Officially, there are no serial killers in Russia so the establishment refuses to offer much help. The story progresses and is culminated by the lead detective doing his job over several years and profiling the killer.

In the end, a psychologist reads the suspect his profile on the killer and when the killer corrects him, they obtain a confession.

This was a very watchable film and was an interesting movie. If you aren't interested in forensics or detective shows, it probably doesn't offer much to you, but it does provide insight into what could be Russia's most notorious serial killer.

Holidays, 2010

Well, another holiday season has come and gone. I hope we all feel better for it.

For me, the time off started on December 23rd. Nothing much to mention. I did take Ellie out to lunch with me once. Evidently, I got her on an emotional day. I was rooting around looking for money and Ellie asked me if I needed to borrow some money from her. I chuckled and mentioned it to Tracy. That wasn’t the thing to say. She started to cry, thinking I was making fun of her request. So, that didn’t start the lunch date well. We went to our local high-brow Taco Bell and I made the fatal mistake of ordering for her. She liked tacos, so I ordered a gordita. All it really is is a thicker taco. That was the next big mistake of the day. So, my alone time with my little girl really turned into a cry fest. Yep. Great way to bond with the girl.

Christmas eve the kids got to open one present. They were pajamas all around. Tracy was making plans to wake up early on Christmas morning to make her family’s traditional cinnamon rolls. Well, the dough didn’t rise well and when she finally did get them cooked, they were overdone. Presents were good. I don’t think we went overboard. Bennet got his toy vacuum cleaner. Hayden got an erector set. Ellie got a real live sewing machine. Madsen got Zhu Zhu pets. They all received a DVD movie and pillow pets. Tracy got her new camera and I got a few DVDs with Truman G. Madsen. We had finally replaced our stereo of 21 years earlier and we needed to get some new beds, so Tracy and I didn’t get much for each other. For some reason, I got some very B-movie zombie DVDs. That was kind of amusing.

And I never have gotten by the irony of honoring an observant jew’s birth with ham.

The next week was filled with work. On Friday, a day I had asked off, I had to work on a database issue. Working on that prompted a database failure on Saturday, New Year’s day. In anticipating an irate customer, I worked on Sunday to make sure data was available for a report run the following week. Monday, another database alarm prompted me to work again, deleting data and sending a notification. Worked on every day of the holiday.

New year’s eve was pretty nice. We had cheese fondue with bread, broccoli, carrots and sausages. After that we had chocolate fondue with bananas, strawberries, cookies and marshmallows. So we were full and all sugared up. Ellie and Hayden actually made it to midnight. Ellie was pretty punchy though. She had never stayed up that late before.

For a final push of the holidays, Gina babysat the kids and Tracy and I went out and bought some “practice fish” for the kids. Not sure if they will last all that long, but it will be an interesting experiment. Hayden has taken good care of our parakeet, so I’m hoping that will translate to the other kids. Actually, it has been so long since Tracy and I have done much without kids in tow, it is odd to be without them, and we find it difficult to make up our minds in what to do. I wonder if that is what empty-nesters experience.

One other thing that happened is a little conference with Tracy. We need to get the kids reading more. So, I went downstairs and took down the boxes of books that I’ve been keeping since I was young. I kept them for my kids, and that time has finally arrived. I kept some really good books. I hope Hayden can get interested in them.